I'm sort of sick. Probably picked it up from N, my 3 year old friend, who I babysat this week.

Total culture shock by the way - nothing like moving to the burbs, and doing a commute, daycare, and parenting for a week to make you re - examine your own life. It's good to be back - back in the city, where I walk places, go get a good cup of coffee, and eat a good bagel. Connectedness is so important to me - having neighbors around who I know, having fun places to go in the neighborhood, being able to get from one place to the other without getting into a car.

So today, even though I was driving to the local branches of large chains, I am so grateful for where I live, and for the people I live with. I'll trade a fancier house any day if it means I live with people who like me, in a neighborhood that I like to live in.

Time for more advil - stupid fever.

Robots! Taking over the world!

My counselor has given me an assignment. I'm to set aside a non - weekend evening each week, not plan anything, and do only what would be most fun right then. Not work, not major projects, just fun.

God, how did I get to be such a robot?

Tonight is the first night. It's a little bit paralyzing. My mind is spinning from the heinous week at work and I catch myself looking to the weekend, wanting to get started on various projects, trying to catch up on things that I've let slide. Stop. This is play time.

What do I truly want to do tonight? Definitely not schmooze with housemates, I love them dearly but I'm tired, and don't want to deal with it. Dancing? Yes. Cuddles and laughter and sweaty bodies will happen there, that will be fun. But what about now? Music, this needs music. Pandora is playing, much nicer. But where to eat? Good grief,

This feels like when the ex - BF and I broke up. I would spend endless hours swimming around in my fishbowl, frozen, half heartedly choosing things, wishing that someone would decide for me again. Crap.

I'm feeling such empathy for teenyboppers right now - overprogrammed, overstimulated, texting/typing/talking/listening/tuned in/always wanting something to do. Maybe my time as a social outcast was good for something - I spent a lot of time doing what I'm trying to do now, diddling around, writing stories, drawing pictures, singing along with the radio, being painfully unpopular but making my own fun. Lord, let me know when my brain has been de - programmed. Sheesh.

And inhale...

I'm finally catching my breath long enough from the grantapplicationworkworkworkdancework danceplayshoppingworkworkworkdance rhythm to stop and post.

Many boring things have been happening, and a few fun things. Spring is starting to kick into gear (after it snowed on me last week), and I'm getting more yoga into my day, which feels so good, and getting not enough art done, which feels less good. I'm reconnecting with friends, and am already making plans for summer (Faerieworlds anyone?) that are *so good*.

Today, driving home from work, I was struck by the beauty of the blue sky, the clear yellow sunlight, and the warmth on my face after a long winter. Life is good.