Saturday I realized that the lesson I'm living right now is to go with the flow. To take what the universe gives me with open arms, knowing that I have all the resources I need, and that I am already dancing the dance that I most need right now.
Translated from Squishy: Stop fighting everything, stupid, and it'll stop being so hard.
Which is harder than it sounds - I've been doing a lot of fighting, and it's hard to step back, have faith, and accept good things.
Case in point: Housemates. As you all know, I've been getting a little bit fatalistic about the dearth of housemates to fill our 2 slots. But since I've been giving it an Honest Effort we've now got one fabulous moving in on the 1st and more emerging from the wings.
What's particularly poignant is that I resisted her when she first interviewed some weeks ago. And she also decided she didn't like the room. But now, she re - contacted us, and I went with the flow, and now I can realize how easygoing and responsible she is.
I can hardly wait for the next person - he or she is surely a blessing waiting to come my way.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Friday, February 08, 2008
Yes, I mind.
It is so hard to speak the truth sometimes. I'm working on speaking truth to other people, allowing them to be who they are, and respecting my truth when I respond. It's so much easier to just be a hardass and Lay Down the Law or to just roll over and take what other people give to you. Definitely easier to say things you don't really mean, or exaggerate the truth - It's no big deal. Sure, I'd love to hang out soon. I forgive you. I'm doing really well. Being in the middle is tricky.
Ex, as many people do, happily emailed me a month ago, I responded, and then - Nothing. Silence. Extremely Irritating. So today, after a month of stewing about this, I finally did what I do with other people - I revived the thread. Responding to his email this afternoon, I am struck by how hard it is to speak the truth. To say what is true and real, without glossing things over, honoring what is and what isn't, and without being a jerk about it. Must have taken an hour to respond and get it right - editing out the glossy bits, taking out the things I don't want to share now, putting in the things that I'm dancing around.
But the release, the freedom in my heart, it's beautiful. Hard won, and precious, speaking the truth is so humbling.
Ex, as many people do, happily emailed me a month ago, I responded, and then - Nothing. Silence. Extremely Irritating. So today, after a month of stewing about this, I finally did what I do with other people - I revived the thread. Responding to his email this afternoon, I am struck by how hard it is to speak the truth. To say what is true and real, without glossing things over, honoring what is and what isn't, and without being a jerk about it. Must have taken an hour to respond and get it right - editing out the glossy bits, taking out the things I don't want to share now, putting in the things that I'm dancing around.
But the release, the freedom in my heart, it's beautiful. Hard won, and precious, speaking the truth is so humbling.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
TMBG Rawks!
Ah, so they do.
Strange night - interviewing potential housemates continues, and the resultant dinners with new people is of varying strangeness. Tonight's guest decided not to move here, but I think that's for the best. He sort of failed the Alvi the Small Social Skills test. If he'd been excited about being here, that would have been surmountable, but as it is, not a bad outcome for the evening.
I've been battling a cold all week - just dancing on the edge of not really being sick, but not really being well either. It's forced me to be a lot more quiet than usual - doing a lot more yoga at home, a lot more reading, a lot of resting. I'm trying to listen to my body and do things that will make it feel well.
Outside, the edge of winter is just starting to smooth over and the light is just starting to return.
Strange night - interviewing potential housemates continues, and the resultant dinners with new people is of varying strangeness. Tonight's guest decided not to move here, but I think that's for the best. He sort of failed the Alvi the Small Social Skills test. If he'd been excited about being here, that would have been surmountable, but as it is, not a bad outcome for the evening.
I've been battling a cold all week - just dancing on the edge of not really being sick, but not really being well either. It's forced me to be a lot more quiet than usual - doing a lot more yoga at home, a lot more reading, a lot of resting. I'm trying to listen to my body and do things that will make it feel well.
Outside, the edge of winter is just starting to smooth over and the light is just starting to return.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Catching up
I'm exhausted. A good night to lie on the bed, plug into some music, and chill out. This weekend just got away from me - some plans didn't happen, some did, and some extra ones popped up.
Spent part of Sunday walking through a park near my house. I love this space, primarily (but not only) because the drive into the park reminds me so much of the stretch of highway 101 just north of the California border that leads into San Francisco. You start in the usual 40's tract homes and their remodeled cousins, and then into a few patches of older houses, and then suddenly into a narrow winding road that climbs gingerly down the hill toward thicker trees.
My friend and I walk down muddy trails, up the sandy ones, and even though we usually like to catch up on gossip, we're quiet today. Just the sounds of the dog nosing through the leaves and vines on the ground, and the sounds of our lungs trying to keep up as we climb the hill. Then, we crest the hill, and pause to look west over the water through the trees. The trees haven't leafed out yet - some kind of maple? or oak? - and the red - brown trunks are just a flimsy screen between us and the sound below. Deep, dark blue water below, and stunning clear blue - gray skies above.
Then, back down the hill, curving back through the damp meadow, picking up the thread of the usual conversations at the car.
Not a bad way to end the weekend, all in all.
Spent part of Sunday walking through a park near my house. I love this space, primarily (but not only) because the drive into the park reminds me so much of the stretch of highway 101 just north of the California border that leads into San Francisco. You start in the usual 40's tract homes and their remodeled cousins, and then into a few patches of older houses, and then suddenly into a narrow winding road that climbs gingerly down the hill toward thicker trees.
My friend and I walk down muddy trails, up the sandy ones, and even though we usually like to catch up on gossip, we're quiet today. Just the sounds of the dog nosing through the leaves and vines on the ground, and the sounds of our lungs trying to keep up as we climb the hill. Then, we crest the hill, and pause to look west over the water through the trees. The trees haven't leafed out yet - some kind of maple? or oak? - and the red - brown trunks are just a flimsy screen between us and the sound below. Deep, dark blue water below, and stunning clear blue - gray skies above.
Then, back down the hill, curving back through the damp meadow, picking up the thread of the usual conversations at the car.
Not a bad way to end the weekend, all in all.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
#1: Butternut Squash with Nuts
For those of you who receive a CSA box or who have a winter garden, you know the curse of winter squash - silky, sweet, luscious, multiplying like rabbits and ready to take over the world.
Thus, 101 Ways to Cook Squash, an ongoing series.
Today, a savory squash – filling, hearty, good all on its own or with a little shave of parmesan cheese, or some bitter green salad. I found a similar recipe somewhere on the internet and tinkered a little bit – everyone in the House loved it.
Butternut squash with nuts
Ingredients:
1 C chopped walnuts (toast a little in your frying pan)
3 TB soy margarine (or butter if you can swing it)
1 onion, chopped
1 regular butternut squash, peeled, seeded, cubed.
Salt and Pepper
1 C Napa cabbage (or other mild green)
1. Toast your walnuts on the stove in a dry frying pan until fragrant. Remove from heat and chop roughly.
2. Melt the margarine in the pan, add onion and sauté until tender and very slightly brown.
3. Stir in the squash, cover the pan, cooking until done but not mushy, perhaps on the al dente side. This takes about 10 minutes.
4. Stir in the cabbage and the nuts, and adjust seasoning.
Thus, 101 Ways to Cook Squash, an ongoing series.
Today, a savory squash – filling, hearty, good all on its own or with a little shave of parmesan cheese, or some bitter green salad. I found a similar recipe somewhere on the internet and tinkered a little bit – everyone in the House loved it.
Butternut squash with nuts
Ingredients:
1 C chopped walnuts (toast a little in your frying pan)
3 TB soy margarine (or butter if you can swing it)
1 onion, chopped
1 regular butternut squash, peeled, seeded, cubed.
Salt and Pepper
1 C Napa cabbage (or other mild green)
1. Toast your walnuts on the stove in a dry frying pan until fragrant. Remove from heat and chop roughly.
2. Melt the margarine in the pan, add onion and sauté until tender and very slightly brown.
3. Stir in the squash, cover the pan, cooking until done but not mushy, perhaps on the al dente side. This takes about 10 minutes.
4. Stir in the cabbage and the nuts, and adjust seasoning.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Waiting for Imbolc
Apologies, Dear Reader - I’ve been Away, house sitting, without Internet. Not a bad gig – I watch TV, walk the dog, read, rest. It's wonderful to be back at the House with Dear Housemates, though.
Right now we are between New Year’s and Imbolc, which is the halfway point between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. We’ve made our resolutions, and are waiting for the perfect moment to release them into the world. After the darkness of the Solstice, the light is starting to emerge, so faintly you almost can’t tell. This lends a certain quality to January that I love – a sense that this time doesn’t count, is only practice for the real work in another few weeks.
I’m spending January preparing for the year. This year I’ll be bringing dreams for my life to reality, solidifying diffuse ideas into something true and concrete. Time to start spending my energy on my plans, to see which ones work and where they will take me.
Last year I was pruning – casting aside all the extras, familiar ideas, old patterns, old branches and leaves. I’ve only started building during the past 3 months or so – gradually starting to re – member forgotten dreams and visions about who I am and what world I want to live in. Now all that’s left is to put small changes to work – how I spend my minutes, where my dollars go, things like that.
Like wintering cherry trees, saving precious energy in their roots, I’m trying to eke by until Spring, when I can explode upwards into a halo of blossoms and new branches. I can’t wait.
Right now we are between New Year’s and Imbolc, which is the halfway point between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. We’ve made our resolutions, and are waiting for the perfect moment to release them into the world. After the darkness of the Solstice, the light is starting to emerge, so faintly you almost can’t tell. This lends a certain quality to January that I love – a sense that this time doesn’t count, is only practice for the real work in another few weeks.
I’m spending January preparing for the year. This year I’ll be bringing dreams for my life to reality, solidifying diffuse ideas into something true and concrete. Time to start spending my energy on my plans, to see which ones work and where they will take me.
Last year I was pruning – casting aside all the extras, familiar ideas, old patterns, old branches and leaves. I’ve only started building during the past 3 months or so – gradually starting to re – member forgotten dreams and visions about who I am and what world I want to live in. Now all that’s left is to put small changes to work – how I spend my minutes, where my dollars go, things like that.
Like wintering cherry trees, saving precious energy in their roots, I’m trying to eke by until Spring, when I can explode upwards into a halo of blossoms and new branches. I can’t wait.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Frugal Thursday
Sometime this weekend I'll try and update my blogroll to show it, but in the meantime I wanted to mention my latest project - learning about personal finance and frugal living.
Learning from those who have been where I am and are living well is such an inspiration. My goal is to be free of consumer debt in 24 months - an impossible goal as recently as 6 months ago. I'm not doing anything too radical yet - I did move to a shared house in November, and I do use reusable products when I can, but I still use kleenex and drive my car. But already, I'm making progress, and the goal as ridiculous as it used to.
In the spirit of encouraging, here are 5 things that I do which save me a lot of money:
1. Take coffee from home. I used to get a latte a day, about 4 days a week. At about $4.00 a day, that's $16 a week, or $64.00 a month. Now I brew coffee at home, put it in my commuter mug, and drink that. Even if I get one latte a week, I'm saving $48.00 a month. (1/2 of a great massage).
2. Take the bus to work when I can. I get my bus pass for free through work. If I drive every day, I go through $40 a week in fuel. Then I spend up to $10 a day in parking. Assuming I pay to park half the time, that's $260 a month. Even if I drive 2 days a week, I'm still saving $156 a month - that's one fabulous pair of shoes, or an amazing day at the spa.
3. Eat food at home. This is where the shared housing comes in - I get my food included in the price of my rent. I used to eat out for dinner (or a weekend lunch/breakfast) about 6 times a week - about $480 a month. Now I'm averaging about 2 equivalent meals a week - a savings of $320. That's at least a night in a really amazing hotel.
4. Use the library. I used to buy about 3 books a month, give or take, and since the library is free, that's $30 a month that's in my pocket. And $30 a month from not using Netflix anymore.
5. Wait before you shop. We'll see how this one actually turns out - but I used to be a total impulse shopper. This month, I waited a few weeks to go clothes shopping, and now I'm planning to go shop 2nd hand.
Not bad at all - $584 back in my pocket. Hopeful, indeed.
Learning from those who have been where I am and are living well is such an inspiration. My goal is to be free of consumer debt in 24 months - an impossible goal as recently as 6 months ago. I'm not doing anything too radical yet - I did move to a shared house in November, and I do use reusable products when I can, but I still use kleenex and drive my car. But already, I'm making progress, and the goal as ridiculous as it used to.
In the spirit of encouraging, here are 5 things that I do which save me a lot of money:
1. Take coffee from home. I used to get a latte a day, about 4 days a week. At about $4.00 a day, that's $16 a week, or $64.00 a month. Now I brew coffee at home, put it in my commuter mug, and drink that. Even if I get one latte a week, I'm saving $48.00 a month. (1/2 of a great massage).
2. Take the bus to work when I can. I get my bus pass for free through work. If I drive every day, I go through $40 a week in fuel. Then I spend up to $10 a day in parking. Assuming I pay to park half the time, that's $260 a month. Even if I drive 2 days a week, I'm still saving $156 a month - that's one fabulous pair of shoes, or an amazing day at the spa.
3. Eat food at home. This is where the shared housing comes in - I get my food included in the price of my rent. I used to eat out for dinner (or a weekend lunch/breakfast) about 6 times a week - about $480 a month. Now I'm averaging about 2 equivalent meals a week - a savings of $320. That's at least a night in a really amazing hotel.
4. Use the library. I used to buy about 3 books a month, give or take, and since the library is free, that's $30 a month that's in my pocket. And $30 a month from not using Netflix anymore.
5. Wait before you shop. We'll see how this one actually turns out - but I used to be a total impulse shopper. This month, I waited a few weeks to go clothes shopping, and now I'm planning to go shop 2nd hand.
Not bad at all - $584 back in my pocket. Hopeful, indeed.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Forced Sneezes is Dead! Long Live Forced Sneezes!
Welcome to the new, reincarnated Forced Sneezes, version 2.0.
The new year is almost here by some calendars, just here by others, and here already by others. Regardless, this is the time to vision the future, time to peer around the corner and decide what to grow in the next year. For the first time in a while, this year I'm taking some time off over the next few weeks to pause and dream about the future.
Yesterday the skies were clear and sunny, families playing in the playground and walking the beach looking for shells. I hiked up a steep trail through the forest, winding up the cliffs up to a meadow. As the trail climbed higher and higher, the sounds of the playground below faded away and the sounds of squirrels and crows grew louder. At each view point, I stopped to catch my breath and look out over the Sound, watching currents and waves below.
I am amazed at how clearly god speaks to my heart in places of great beauty. Just standing in the grove of fir trees was enough for me to stretch my neck to look up to the sky and give thanks to those who nourish and grow our planet. My plans for the year are still secret - it seems like the waiting for them to grow is too sacred to share yet. Right now our dreams are still whispers, just born.
The new year is almost here by some calendars, just here by others, and here already by others. Regardless, this is the time to vision the future, time to peer around the corner and decide what to grow in the next year. For the first time in a while, this year I'm taking some time off over the next few weeks to pause and dream about the future.
Yesterday the skies were clear and sunny, families playing in the playground and walking the beach looking for shells. I hiked up a steep trail through the forest, winding up the cliffs up to a meadow. As the trail climbed higher and higher, the sounds of the playground below faded away and the sounds of squirrels and crows grew louder. At each view point, I stopped to catch my breath and look out over the Sound, watching currents and waves below.
I am amazed at how clearly god speaks to my heart in places of great beauty. Just standing in the grove of fir trees was enough for me to stretch my neck to look up to the sky and give thanks to those who nourish and grow our planet. My plans for the year are still secret - it seems like the waiting for them to grow is too sacred to share yet. Right now our dreams are still whispers, just born.
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