My counselor has given me an assignment. I'm to set aside a non - weekend evening each week, not plan anything, and do only what would be most fun right then. Not work, not major projects, just fun.
God, how did I get to be such a robot?
Tonight is the first night. It's a little bit paralyzing. My mind is spinning from the heinous week at work and I catch myself looking to the weekend, wanting to get started on various projects, trying to catch up on things that I've let slide. Stop. This is play time.
What do I truly want to do tonight? Definitely not schmooze with housemates, I love them dearly but I'm tired, and don't want to deal with it. Dancing? Yes. Cuddles and laughter and sweaty bodies will happen there, that will be fun. But what about now? Music, this needs music. Pandora is playing, much nicer. But where to eat? Good grief,
This feels like when the ex - BF and I broke up. I would spend endless hours swimming around in my fishbowl, frozen, half heartedly choosing things, wishing that someone would decide for me again. Crap.
I'm feeling such empathy for teenyboppers right now - overprogrammed, overstimulated, texting/typing/talking/listening/tuned in/always wanting something to do. Maybe my time as a social outcast was good for something - I spent a lot of time doing what I'm trying to do now, diddling around, writing stories, drawing pictures, singing along with the radio, being painfully unpopular but making my own fun. Lord, let me know when my brain has been de - programmed. Sheesh.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment