Friday, February 08, 2008

Yes, I mind.

It is so hard to speak the truth sometimes. I'm working on speaking truth to other people, allowing them to be who they are, and respecting my truth when I respond. It's so much easier to just be a hardass and Lay Down the Law or to just roll over and take what other people give to you. Definitely easier to say things you don't really mean, or exaggerate the truth - It's no big deal. Sure, I'd love to hang out soon. I forgive you. I'm doing really well. Being in the middle is tricky.

Ex, as many people do, happily emailed me a month ago, I responded, and then - Nothing. Silence. Extremely Irritating. So today, after a month of stewing about this, I finally did what I do with other people - I revived the thread. Responding to his email this afternoon, I am struck by how hard it is to speak the truth. To say what is true and real, without glossing things over, honoring what is and what isn't, and without being a jerk about it. Must have taken an hour to respond and get it right - editing out the glossy bits, taking out the things I don't want to share now, putting in the things that I'm dancing around.

But the release, the freedom in my heart, it's beautiful. Hard won, and precious, speaking the truth is so humbling.

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